in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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