Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
