I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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