I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
