SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
