She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
