Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
