I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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