Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
