I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
