Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
