Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Shame is for Republicans.
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