just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
