I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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