I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have post one night stand depression
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