So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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