You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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