I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
