Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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