We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
