So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
