There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
