Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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