i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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