I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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