The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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