When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
