I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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