Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
