I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
