i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
