mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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