Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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