Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
