I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
