I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
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So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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