i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize