Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
