your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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