make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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