she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
