It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
