It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
