The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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