She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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