We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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