Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
