Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
