I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
where does the pee come out of this thing
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
