so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
