i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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