you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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