I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
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What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
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Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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