Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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