when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize