Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
