mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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