he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
