I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
