I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You ate ashes out of my bong
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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