I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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