My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
