if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
