yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
