Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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