Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
