he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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