You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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