I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
