What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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