I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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