He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She needs sedatives and a leash
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
