Someone shit on the floor
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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