she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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