Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
