Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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