the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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