Soap is not a condiment
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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