Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize