I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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